how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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