Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
