I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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