if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
