I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
