yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
