I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
