Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize