summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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