OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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