i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
should my penis look like a turkey
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
