It's like God shit irony all over that family
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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