from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
