No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
