Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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