I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
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i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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