I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
