If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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