don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
