you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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