im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
