I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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