Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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