i don't like sucking hair
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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