sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
