So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
