so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
