hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
