I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize