everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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