I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
