Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
