Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
