My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
