He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize