Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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