My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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