Sry I called you an 8
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.