He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.