i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.