How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
