He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
