Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.

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(210): View more from Texas

I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

(1-210): View more from Texas

I love milkshakes.

(210): View more from Texas

Not the point.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(404): View more from Georgia

I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.

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(810): View more from Michigan

It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.

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