Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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