i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!