You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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