I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.