i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist