I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"