He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
