Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.