Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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