Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize