oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
