i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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