I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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