I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
