Betty ford says i'm here all night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
