So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
