I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
