I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
