considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
