He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I fill condoms, not promises.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I forget how to act sober
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
