First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
