dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize