I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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