our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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