you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
