ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
