I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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