"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
