It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
