Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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