Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
