Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
