you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
