When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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