I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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