Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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