Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
